Ephesians 4:2–3

I can’t lie, Beloveds, your girl has been praying for marriage.

I’ve prayed for a God-fearing husband, someone who will love me, respect me, pray with me and build a life with me.

But recently, something crossed my mind.

I’ve spent so much time thinking about the husband I want that I started asking myself, what kind of wife am I becoming?

Because let’s be real, marriage is more than a beautiful ring, a wedding dress and being called somebody’s wife.

It’s learning how to love someone, communicate, forgive, be patient and grow together, even when things aren’t always easy.

And I’m realising that some of those things are easier to pray for than they are to practise.

So maybe this season isn’t just about waiting for marriage. Maybe it’s also about becoming the woman I want to bring into it.

When it comes to love, I can’t say I’ve always been lucky in that department.

I notice that people would sometimes use me because of how I made them feel. I would see the good in them, remind them of their worth and make them feel worthy of being loved.

But somehow, I would often end up being the one who got hurt.

And it made me question myself.

Why does everyone treat me this way? Why do people always leave me?

Over time, I developed a habit of showing people the love they wanted or needed, only to walk away before they had the chance to hurt me.

I know it wasn’t a healthy thing to do, but looking back, I can understand why I behaved that way.

I was searching for love in other people because I didn’t truly love myself, and I didn’t always feel loved at home.

Even writing that now is difficult.

Because sometimes you don’t realise how much your past has shaped the way you love until you find yourself trying to love someone differently.

And now, here I am, praying for marriage.

I want a family, a husband and a beautiful home. I’ve prayed for these things, but as I’m learning and growing, I’m beginning to realise that there are still parts of myself that need healing.

And I can’t lie, Beloveds, it’s uncomfortable.

I’m a very emotional person, and sometimes my emotions get the better of me.

One thing I’m trying to learn is patience. I’m learning how to remain calm when something upsets me and how to communicate my feelings instead of allowing them to build into resentment.

And that hasn’t been easy.

Because for me, expressing how I feel has often come with three possibilities.

Someone might dismiss my feelings.

Someone might tell me I’m too intense or dramatic.

Or someone might genuinely listen, understand and make me feel safe enough to express myself.

And if I’m being honest, that last one is something I’ve struggled to experience.

I’ve spent so much time being afraid of how people will respond to my emotions that sometimes it’s easier to become distant.

And the more distant I become, the harder my heart gets.

But how can I pray for a loving marriage while being afraid to allow someone to truly know me?

How can I ask God for someone who communicates with me when I’m still learning how to communicate without fear?

And how can I expect someone to love the real me if I’m afraid of showing them who I really am?

These are some of the questions I’ve been asking myself.

Ephesians 4:2–3 reminds us to be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love.

And I’m beginning to understand that these aren’t just qualities I should look for in a husband. They’re qualities I want to continue developing within myself.

But I also believe that love should be mutual.

Learning patience doesn’t mean accepting disrespect. Learning to communicate doesn’t mean my feelings should be dismissed. And learning to love someone doesn’t mean abandoning myself in the process.

Because that’s another thing I’m learning in this season.

To love myself unconditionally.

I’m learning who I am outside of being a mother, a daughter or someone’s partner.

Who is Alesia?

What does she enjoy? What does she need? What makes her happy? What are her values? And who is the woman God is calling her to become?

I’m learning that not everyone is going to understand me, and that’s okay.

There are things I need to work on, things I need to heal from and areas where I still need to grow.

But I’m also learning that the right person should make me feel safe enough to be myself, just as I should want to create that same safety for them.

And maybe that’s what this season of preparation is teaching me.

Marriage isn’t just about finding someone who knows how to love me. It’s also about learning how to love without losing myself.

I don’t have everything figured out.

I’m still learning patience. I’m still learning how to communicate. I’m still learning how to be vulnerable without allowing fear to make decisions for me.

And sometimes I don’t even recognise the lesson until I’m right in the middle of it.

But I know one thing.

I don’t just want to become somebody’s wife.

I want to become a woman who knows who she is in God, understands her worth and can build a marriage where love, patience, respect and faith go both ways.

Because a ring might make me someone’s wife, but it doesn’t automatically teach me how to be one.

And maybe the preparation begins long before the proposal.

I’m still learning. Still healing. Still growing.

And most importantly, I’m still becoming.

Maybe becoming a wife begins here: in the quiet work of letting God heal what hurt me, teaching me to recognise my worth and showing me that love was never meant to be one-sided. It begins with becoming whole enough to receive love without suspicion, give love without self-abandonment and choose a relationship where two people feel safe, seen and valued.

So when marriage comes, I don’t want to enter it hoping another person will complete me. I want to enter it knowing that I am already loved by God, already worthy and already becoming the woman He created me to be.

I want a love that is mutual. A home built on honesty, tenderness, prayer and respect. A marriage where we both keep choosing each other, not because we are perfect, but because we are willing to grow, heal and love each other well.

The proposal will be beautiful, and the wedding day will be unforgettable. But the deeper preparation is happening now, in the healing no one sees and the choices that teach me how to love with wisdom, courage and grace.

I’m not waiting to become worthy of love.

I’m learning to live as though I already am.

And when the time comes, I won’t just be walking down the aisle as a bride. I’ll be stepping into a covenant as a woman who knows herself, honours herself and is ready to build a love that reflects God’s heart.

I’m still learning. Still healing. Still growing.

And most importantly, I’m still becoming.

Until the next chapter, Beloved.

— Alesia x