What does freedom in God look like?

Being free from the things that have been controlling, defining or imprisoning you, so you can finally live from who God says you are.

Life hasn’t always been that way for me.

From when I was young, I was always placed in a box as the pretty.

And although being called pretty might sound like a compliment, for me, it made it hard to just be myself. It made me feel like I couldn’t accomplish anything else because, in people’s eyes, I was just pretty.

I was never the smart one.
I was never the funny one.
I was just the pretty one.

I was told a lot that I was stupid, dumb, lazy and nasty, and after hearing those things so many times, I started to believe them about myself.

I was also the bigger girl with curves, which made me a target. So I decided to lose weight. And because I didn’t believe I was smart enough, I threw myself into anything creative because I wanted to prove that I could do something.

That I wasn’t completely useless.

I became hard on myself. I criticised everything I did. I never showed myself any grace. I was constantly trying to prove that there was more to me than just my looks.

And somewhere along the way, I started seeking validation from the people around me.

Validation looked like needing people to confirm how I looked.

Dimming my light for other people.

Worrying about what I sounded like when I sang.

Questioning how I prayed.

And even questioning this blog.

To be honest, it is exhausting constantly thinking about what other people think of you. It makes it harder to just be yourself.

Sometimes you think it would be easier to stay quiet so nobody can judge you, misunderstand you or treat you differently because of who you are.

And it has made me question myself:

Am I really shy?

Or have I used being shy as a way to protect myself from people seeing the real me?

Because the real me is goofy, loud, outspoken, positive and vibrant.

And I believe that is the person God created me to be.

Psalm 139:14 says,

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

For so long, I allowed other people’s words to become louder than God’s Word.

People told me who they thought I was, and I started believing them.

But God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Yesterday, I was talking to my sister in Christ, and she prayed for me. She told me that God was saying there was no need to cry anymore. I had cried enough over the things people had said about me.

She reminded me that I don’t need to keep seeking validation or approval from people because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

And something clicked.

I’m really that girl.

Not because people tell me I am.

Not because people validate me.

But because God says I am.

I am a daughter of the King.

And the approval that matters most is the Lord’s.

So from this day, I’m choosing to start again.

No more seeking approval from people who don’t know me, don’t know my heart and don’t know what God has called me to be.

I know it isn’t going to be easy. The things I’ve experienced and the trauma I’ve carried aren’t going to disappear overnight. But I also know that with God, anything is possible.

I’m learning to give myself the same grace that God gives me.

I’m learning to look at myself through His eyes instead of through the opinions of others.

One thing my sister in Christ encouraged me to do was to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I love myself. Because if I don’t love and accept myself, how can I expect someone else to fill that space for me?

So, I’m going to take that on board.

From now until next year, I want to see God’s love, grace and mercy transform me.

I want to see what happens when I stop trying to prove myself to people and start believing what God has already spoken over me.

Maybe freedom isn’t becoming someone completely different.

Maybe freedom is finally becoming who God created me to be.

And I think that’s where my journey begins.

I’ll keep you all updated.

People gave me a label. God gave me an identity.

Until the next chapter, Beloved.

— Alesia x