Ecclesiastes 4:9–10

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”

I have never really had friends. I have friends that went to school with me and people I would go out to parties with, but I have never had friends I felt comfortable telling everything to or felt like I could truly be myself around.

Let me tell you about myself. I’m a very shy person, but I also like to have fun. I’m a very emotional person, but I’m also very cool. I’m kind and caring, and I think I’ve always just been a little different from everyone else.

But being different didn’t always feel like a good thing.

I got bullied a lot throughout my school years for many reasons — because I was quiet, because of my skin colour, and because I didn’t like confrontation. I became an easy target for people.

I remember one time when I was going home and a girl who didn’t like me tried to push me in front of a bus. It got so bad that my older sister had to send her parents and cousins to get me from school.

I became an angry and aggressive person just to protect myself. The person I described to you had to fade into the background, while this new person became colder for protection. And that person followed me into my college years.

I remember someone on my course asking me, “Alesia, I don’t know what is going on with you, but you don’t have to be so angry or defensive all the time.”

He was right.

I had been protecting myself for so long that I didn’t know how to be myself anymore.

I didn’t know how to maintain friendships with people because I had been hurt by people. So I didn’t open up. I changed friendship groups often and didn’t stay in contact with people. I would just disappear.

Which led me to keep searching for people I could trust — people who wouldn’t hurt me.

I had friends that I loved like family, but when I look back on it, they didn’t really know me. They only knew surface-level information. We laughed together and went to parties, but we never had deep conversations or prayed for each other.

I lost those friendships when I had my daughter.

I was starting over again from scratch.

I downloaded Peanut, which is a space for mums to share advice with each other or make more mum friends.

That’s where I started making new connections and meeting people who showed me that friendship could look different.

As I started to seek God’s face more, I realised I wanted more Christian friends.

I went to Genesis Run and Walk Club every Saturday in Greenwich Park. Everyone was so lovely, kind and accepting of me being a mum and having to bring my daughter.

It was one of the first spaces where I felt like I could just be myself.

If you’re interested in fitness or community, check them out. They’re on Instagram and TikTok.

I also started studying, hoping to find my people — people I felt comfortable around. People I could pray with, talk about God with and help each other grow.

And it’s so crazy how I met so many of the people who are now part of my community so close by.

My daughter had her best friend at nursery, and when her mum found out that they were best friends, she asked me for my number so the girls could meet up during the summer.

When we started talking, we spoke about more than just our daughters.

We spoke about God, and I began to build a friendship with someone who introduced me to even more people who were rooted in Christ.

Through those connections, my circle started to grow.

I met people who were on fire for God, people who could pray, give good advice, have a good laugh and, most importantly, genuinely cared about me.

As my friendships and community grew, I felt my heart transforming and my soul being filled.

I started to realise what it felt like to be surrounded by genuine people who cared about me and genuinely wanted to see each other grow.

But I also realised something.

Finding people wasn’t the only thing I needed to learn.

I needed to learn how to let people in.

When you’ve spent years protecting yourself, genuine friendship can feel unfamiliar. Sometimes I didn’t know how to receive love from people, and sometimes I didn’t know how to be the friend I wanted to be.

I was learning that friendship isn’t just about finding good people. It’s about allowing yourself to be known, showing up for people and growing together.

In just two months, I have had one of the best birthdays. They prayed for me and my daughter. They encouraged me to start my blog and supported me through all of life’s hurdles.

I prayed for this.

And God delivered.

He brought the right people into my life at the right time, and I am so blessed and grateful.

Looking back, I realise that I spent so much time trying to protect myself from people that I never realised how much I needed community.

I thought being alone was protecting me, but God was showing me that I didn’t have to walk alone.

Two are better than one.

Sometimes you can accomplish things on your own, but with the right people beside you, you can go so much further.

You can encourage each other. Pray for each other. Pick each other up when you fall. Celebrate each other’s victories. And grow together.

God didn’t just give me friends.

He gave me community.

So if you are like me and struggle with friendship, opening up to people or finding your community, just know that your people are coming.

Don’t give up.

Keep seeking God and keep trusting Him.

And if you would like to share your story about how God has brought community into your life, or how difficult it has been to find your people, comment below. I’d love to hear from you.

Until the next chapter, Beloved.

— Alesia x